Saturday, January 30, 2010

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

Now hiring...

Red Lake Gaming Enterprises

New casino.

Opportunities galore!!!

Get to work in loud, noisy, smoke-filled casino.

Poverty wages guaranteed.

Enjoy working without any rights under state or federal labor laws.

Side jobs available to put a little extra cash in your pocket to tide you over between stops at the food shelf:


Drug dealing.

Illegal gambling: sports betting, ponies.

Management gets extra sideline perks:

Booze sales.

Loan-sharking based upon profit-sharing.

Qualify for government funded programs while working:

Food stamps.


Great health benefits if you can find a doctor willing to take you.

Fabulous pension plan that will eat up your future as fast as any one-armed bandit courtesy of Alerus, the professionals in  Retirement Solutions... a company as honest as any slot machine.

Nice rural setting.

Close to Bemidji.

Rub elbows with top drug dealers in the world and your favorite politicians.

Apply today.

A lifetime of poverty guaranteed.

Police protection only a phone call away from the Red Lake Tribal Police--- world famous protectors of drug dealers and perpetrators of violent crimes from rape to home invasions.

Red Lake Gaming Enterprises...

Where democracy ends and a lifetime of misery begins.

An equal opportunity employer--- everyone, regardless of age, race, creed or color gets treated like crap.

For employment information---


Raymond J. Brenny
Chief Operating Officer
Red Lake Gaming Enterprises


Floyd "Buck" Jourdain
Red Lake Nation Tribal Chair & Feudal Lord

Note: Special employment applications available for reliable drug dealers. Must complete appilcation at Red Lake Police Department.

Floyd "Buck" Jourdain teaches parenting classes every Monday evening.

State Representative Brita Sailer trains all employees in customer relations with her award-winning smile. 

Special training sessions by Minnesota State Attorney General Lori Swanson held for female employees: How and where to file sexual harassment complaints in Minnesota... using the circular file.

Special political action classes available to all employees of Red Lake Gaming Enterprises taught by John McCarthy and Stanely Crooks. Certificates suitable for framing available upon completion. Limited supply of brown paper shopping bags to first ten enrollees. Learn how to bribe a politician and get away with it.

We are experiencing high employee turn-over so come on in for a job and start having fun now.

Fun pop quizz for new hires:

Should you vote for Mark Dayton for Governor?

Special notice:

No union organizing on casino premises. Report presence of union organizers immediately.

World-class security provided by: USIS

Red Lake Gaming Enterprises...

All new---

Seven Clans Casino - Red Lake

You haven't experienced the enjoyment of employment until you have worked for us--- everyday working is like a vacation on us :)

New hires: Ask about special rates for Wayne Newton approved AFLAC health insurance... rated #1 in the business by the world's leading health insurance salesman, Barack Hussein Obama... quack, quack!

Red Lake... a northern paradise of poverty hidden in the northwoods of Minnesota courtesy of the Minnesota Democratic Farmer-Labor Party... every casino worker is guaranteed a poverty wage... heart and lung diseases a special bonus.

Watch for our advertising in the Bemidji Pioneer, Lakeland Public Television, KAXE... never a bad word about the way we treat our employees.

"Smut" Fairbanks says:

"No lazy fuckers need apply here."